It’s interesting, in the age when we can post freely about almost anything, we don’t always feel that we can speak honestly. Pre-pandemic, our best selfies and vacation pictures were shared immediately, but often the most intimate details of our lives don’t make it to our timelines or even into our DMs. This can leave a huge gap between what parts of our lives we share and what things we experience but don’t allow to be seen or heard. Being shut in right now might have given you a chance to hide out. Maybe the engagement is off but you already sent out invitations. Or perhaps that job you landed is not working out but people were so proud that you got the position. Maybe you’re struggling with your sexuality, but don’t know how to navigate it. It could be illness, financial hardship, depression, relationship struggles, job loss, poor decisions, embarrassments, or something else. Be it shame or pain, we hide things for different reasons. Discussing our lives with safe individuals in our communities can be healing. A friend or family member who won’t judge you, can be very helpful during this time. Seeing a therapist can offer an objective perspective and help you move forward with authenticity. You do not have to do this alone. Reach out to someone if you can.
A few things you can do when you don’t feel like you can talk to anyone:
1. Journaling
If you don’t feel like you can share it with a friend, be that friend for yourself and write your thoughts out. Sometimes seeing your concerns on paper can give you enough space to think about them objectively.
2. Pretend it’s someone else’s problem
As a therapist, it comes very naturally to me to be able to break down the problems of others. It’s a joke amongst therapists that we often can figure out others’ problems before we can readily identify and deal with our own. Sometimes we are more compassionate with other people’s dilemmas than we are with our own. But pretend it was your friend going through the same situation you are. How would you respond? What steps would you help her take to move forward?
3. Reassess Your Productivity
You don’t have to lower your standards, but perhaps you can reassess your expectations. Are you in a space where you can adequately address your responsibilities. It happens to the best of us. Sometimes we have to zero in on the most important things, act on those most important priorities, and tend to ourselves so that we can thrive again. It is real out here. Tragedy and trauma affect us all. Don’t beat yourself up, care for yourself so you can arrive to your optimal level again.
My invitation: Give yourself permission to be exactly where you are, at the pace that you are. And decide that you’re moving forward from here now, no matter how small the first step.